Sunday, February 22, 2009

the shadow proves the sunshine.

i have put off blogging so long i have way too much to say but i'll keep it short.

i caught the awful cold that seems to be going around and felt like i was going to die yesterday but overnight my stuffy nose went away and i could breathe which is the best feeling ever. but last night i couldn't sleep so i took some melatonin which put me right out, but i had the weirdest dreams ever. the sun started to poke through my blinds and in my head i came to the conclusion that the sunlight was the reason why i could breathe again.. i know weird right?

lately, ive been really down and out. i haven't been motivated to do anything. ive felt stuck in many different ways. and like always Jesus stuck with me through it. He is good. today was good. and the fire is rekindling in my heart. i watched the academy awards and re-realized my passion to make a good movie. not just a good movie but also work with an amazing team of people to make that movie. and no matter if it makes it to the oscars or not, i will one day make a movie that in some way glorifies Christ and His amazing love. . i dont want to be famous, i just want Jesus to be.

soo... this might be a frog on a hot plate thing, hopefully not, but I really want to go to Biola University. and for now i'm making it my goal. for the last week ive been thinking and praying about it and starting to believe it might be a big possibility. they have an awesome film program and ive been longing for a community that they just might provide. i want to visit 
all is said and done but im excited to see what happens with it. but who know we shall see. the money part is difficult, and student loans will be hard to attain because both of my parents have bad credit. but in the least cliche' way God always provides and He will find a way if that is where i am supposed to be, and if not then so be it. just as long as I have Jesus. (which is way easier said then done... but im human and im trying)

what Christ has done for us,  who He is, and what He will do is truly beautiful. and i forget that 
much of the time. i need to be reminded constantly that He is my rock and that He is what fills me. nothing else will provide like He does, through it all, He is my everything.

we sang this song in church today, i really enjoy it, and you might like it too. 
here are the lyrics: 

i pray that  your blessings are as abundant as mine even in the toughest of times. 
just remember to Him you are everything.

                                                      Devotion By Hillsong

I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
that we are redeemed
I'm believing, trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable:
I take up my cross and follow you Lord

When you stand the tall trees and mountains bow
When you speak the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees

I'm forgiven; my Savior who did not deserve death
He was blameless and I was lost in shamefulness
I'm delivered, but it doesn't seem right
unless I keep my eyes focused on the savior who gave his life
In the middle of a world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the very seams
There is one thing to be alive for
And it's to take up my cross and follow you Lord

I will take up my cross and follow Lord where you lead me
And I will take up my cross and follow wherever you go

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

upside down ceiling.

( i thought the frog was appropriate)
today was a weird day. i didn't do much, except i kept catching myself staring into space. i woke up and stared at my alarm clock. then i stared into the capsizing abyss of the fridge. after coming home from a run  i laid flat on my floor staring into the ceiling fan for more than 15 min. it was really bad when i was driving too. it has been a very catatonic day. but throughout all that staring  i thought about a lot of things. its always bittersweet when you spend a day with yourself. it's nice to relax, but eventually you become lonely. and honestly, lately i have felt very lonely. and my thoughts just eat me up inside but you know what is absolutely beautiful about that?

1 O LORD, you have searched me 
       and you know me.

 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; 
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; 
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 4 Before a word is on my tongue 
       you know it completely, O LORD.

 5 You hem me in—behind and before; 
       you have laid your hand upon me.

 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 
       too lofty for me to attain.

 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? 
       Where can I flee from your presence?

 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 
       if I make my bed in the depths,  you are there.

 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 10 even there your hand will guide me, 
       your right hand will hold me fast.

 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me 
       and the light become night around me,"

 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; 
       the night will shine like the day, 
       for darkness is as light to you.

 13 For you created my inmost being; 
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
       your works are wonderful, 
       I know that full well.
Psalm 139: 1-14

just as long as i have Jesus.

i pray that when days like today spring up from the ground, like a weed in spring, that you remain still and know full well the love of Christ that is constantly pouring out all around you.

 P.S i did get to watch The Dark Knight tonight (not very happy go lucky movie) nonetheless it was a very big plus, not only that, I get to write a 5 page paper on it, AND we get to watch Citizen Kane tomorrow in film, doesn't get any better than this. 

blog bout' the WORD coming soon.